


explain a life

by thatsouthernanthem



Series: hold on, hold on [4]
Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Ugh, anakin was the hardest thing i've ever written, because i can't even, just a slice of life kind of thing to pull us up three years, thank goodness for hazy backgrounds, the imperial au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsouthernanthem/pseuds/thatsouthernanthem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a slice of life in the imperial palace and a slight insight into anakin's brain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	explain a life

Anakin leans back in his seat, careful to not jar the bottle out of Leia's mouth. She's been fussy all day, and after several hours of walking around in circles, Padme finds that merely placing the baby on Anakin quiets her. 

Exasperated, Padme goes to take a nap now that both twins are quiet. 

He studies the tiny hand that is gripping his finger. Leia has tiny fingernails and for some reason this is fascinating to Anakin. He made this tiny human -- two tiny humans -- and it's amazing to him. If it weren't for Palpatine, he would never have had a chance to be in their lives the way he is now. 

Padme may hate the change in government, but Anakin knows that this is the way to keep the galaxy safe. The people cannot govern themselves, they are too prone to war and destruction, and the Jedi were just as bad -- letting the galaxy crumble because of their sedation. 

No, this was better. His children were safe, his wife safe, and he was able to be with them without fear of retribution. The Jedi had fled Coruscant, disappearing into the galaxy as Order 66 was carried out across the planets. He knew for a fact that Obi-Wan was still alive (how could he not know, he felt him in his heart at times) but did not know where the man was. There were rumors of a young Togruta out in the Outer Rim, but nothing had panned out. 

And he was glad for that. He did not relish the idea of facing off with either former master or student. Luckily, Palpatine had not asked him that so far. 

Leia shifts in his arms and whines, twisting her body in annoyance as she knocks the bottle out of her mouth. Luke answers her cry from his place on the little playmat on the floor. "Great--" Anakin mutters, balancing Leia against his shoulder as he scoots from his seat to the floor. "Hey, hey, it's alright, Dad's here." 

He glances over his shoulder as he feels Padme's presence flood the room. She's rubbing at her eye, her curly hair in a disarray, in a silken robe. "They're okay," he tells her, before she can speak. "I've got it."

She nods at him, but settles herself on the couch anyway. "I won't be able to fall asleep again." 

Anakin can feel her watching him, watching the way he plays with their babies. She looks tired when he glimpses at her. Her eyes look dull and it wrenches something in his heart. 

He reaches over and grips her hand, tightly, in his flesh one. "Padme--look at me." 

It's like she shakes herself from a stupor when she locks eyes with him. Her fingers curl around his and she smiles softly. It makes her eyes have light in them again, and his breath hitches. "Oh, Ani," she murmurs, sounding so exhausted. "I'm sorry. I've been a million miles away these past months. I can't do it anymore though." 

He stiffens, terrified. Fear has always driven Anakin Skywalker, and this was the biggest fear. That she'd go away, that he wouldn't be able to save her that--

She's shaking her head, squeezing his hand. "No, no, Anakin, listen. I can't keep pulling away from you, it's killing me. I can't lock myself away in this room and wallow in the wrongness anymore. It does no one any good." Padme takes a breath before continuing. "I want to do something. I want to be allowed back in the Senate. I want humanitarian missions. Make him give them to me." 

Her request is a command, and there is steel behind it. He nods, knowing she will never be able to be happy without this, and promises her that he will talk to the Emperor. She nods, sinking back into the couch. 

He finally feels a sense of relief, that things may start to work out okay.

* * *

The years begin to pass. 

They celebrate the twins' birthdays, first, second, third. Padme begins humanitarian efforts, where she raises money for the less fortunate and holds orphans in photos. She actually seems happy now, here in the Empire. And Palpatine is content with letting her be the face of charity. She is loved by the people, which makes them love the Empire as well. 

It's a few days after the twins turn three when Anakin is tasked with a mission to a small backwater planet on the Outer Rim. Palpatine tells him there is an asset there he needs--and he needs it alive and well, and by any means necessary. 

Anakin isn't expecting it to be a girl, barely a year old, with bright red-gold hair. He can feel her in the Force--she burns bright and fierce and he knows this is why the Emperor wants her...though what he's going to do with an infant is beyond Anakin. He thinks of his own children, cared for and pampered at the palace, and tells himself that this girl will obviously have a better life there than here. 

Here is a darker alley off a dark street. Here is a little hole in the wall where this girl lives with her mother, a woman frail and weak. When Anakin picks up the little girl, her mother begs her to take her away. It's a sickening turn of events for him. He was so sure he'd have to pry the little girl away from her mother. 

But no, the woman shakily stands and presses the baby further into his arms. "Take her, please. Get her out of this hell. Lord Vader," her voice breaks and she nods. "I have made my peace with my deal with the Emperor." 

The baby begins to cry, reaching out tiny fingers for her mother (she's so thin--nothing like how Luke and Leia were at this age, where they were pudgy and clean) and the woman withdraws. "No, Mara," she whispers, her voice dry and cracked. "The gods will forgive me for this when you are taken care of. Be good--"

(a report crosses Anakin's desk later, about the woman, and how she died a mere week later. something still eats at him about the way the situation went down, but at least the girl isn't left to rot in that shanty)

* * *

He finds Padme outside the girl's new nursery and she's frowning. "What does the Emperor need with a little girl from some backwater planet?" 

Anakin shrugs, hands out. "I'm honestly not sure, Padme. Her mother seems to have made a deal with the Emperor, to take her away from the poverty she was in. She's strong in the Force--"

Padme rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "So now he's adopting little poor Force sensitive children? Mark my words, Anakin, this is going to be more trouble than you think." 

The little girl -- Mara -- thrives. The Emperor is taken with her and hires the absolute best in childcare, rivaling only the care the Skywalkers receive. And for the life of him, Anakin can't figure out why. Why Palpatine has chosen this one girl out of all the Force sensitive children in the galaxy. He knows Palpatine has the holocron and the kyber crystal that listed all of the children...why Mara? 

He's in the Imperial Garden (where servants hold water glasses on trays, and the bodyguards don't blend in at all against the trees and flowers) as he watches the baby takes hesitant steps toward his own daughter. Leia is prim in her dress, hair twisted up elaborately and she watches Mara warily. Luke, on the other hand, holds his arms out to the other girl and tugs her into his lap. "Hi, Mawa," he whispers, playing with her fingers. "Let's pway." 

Padme sets her glass down and smiles at the scene before them, stretching out to touch Anakin's leg with her bare toes. 

"Our gentle soul," she murmurs, watching Luke. And she's right. Where Luke looks like Anakin, he embodies his mother's spirit. Leia, with her mother's face, has her father's fiery soul. 

He wonders, once again, Palpatine's plan for all of them. He has left the Empire to the Skywalker children, but Anakin is unsure as to what that means. What that locks them into, and where little Mara Jade fits into all of this. 

Padme stretches again and nudges his leg sharply to get his attention. Leia, Luke and Mara are spinning in circles, barefoot in the grass, giggling and carefree. He finds himself smiling at the children and relaxes. 

He can worry another day about the future. He may as well enjoy what's happening now.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, guys. i'm going to be having surgery in two weeks so while i'm bedridden for a week i plan on writing 1001001 fics in this series. 
> 
> southernanthem @ tumblr!


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